Interestingly, most people around me don’t know that my personal/professional branding career started with writing personal dating profiles.
This is probably because few of my clients feel comfortable giving public testimonials about such a personal thing and because I am also very discreet about my work. People trust me for a reason. But you know what, everyone’s doing it. It’s like I always say, everybody wants to look good and feel good, so if you haven’t seen a branding specialist yet, then this is the time to gift yourself a profile review.
My pitch has clearly sharpened over the years, as previous and new clients and their referrals, are running down my door. A new year, a fresh start, the ideal time for people to work on themselves and their business, and ‘getting yourself out there’ is the best first move!
When I tell people what I do, it doesn’t take long before they take the professional branding conversation off line, and make it personal. “You don’t happen to look at more personal profiles, like dating profiles and stuff, do you? I have a friend…”
I spend a lot of time with my clients and the value they get from a sharp profile is priceless. I can’t include everything here, so to start with here are the first 3 tips for your dating profile:
(Then you, or your ‘friend’, can get in touch later if you really want to make an irresistible profile that gets you what you want.)
1. Be clear about your desired outcome
- How do you know how to get there if you don’t know where you are going?
- How can you expect others to give you what you want if you yourself don’t know what that is?
– Don’t dwell on it, just write down the first thing you think about when you ask yourself the question; what do I actually want?
- A girlfriend/boyfriend? a hookup? to get married? to have children? a friend?
- Talk it over with a few friends and write it down. Must write it down. Write. It. Down.
NOTE: Don’t place onto one person the burden of being everything you want in your life, that is not a managed expectation…!
2. Let your pictures say the right 1000 words
- Do you actually know how exactly you (or anyone) size up a potential match based on their looks? (whether it’s in person or in a picture)
- Do you know that, what you write in your profile (with the exception of the first 50 words) say less about you than both the decision about what pictures to include in the profile, and the pictures themselves?
- Do you know that you can determine someones personality based on how they look better than a set of pre determined questions?
– Unconsciously, our brains and bodies can ‘see’ the specific characteristics we look for in a potential mate within 7 seconds of meeting that person (or seeing their picture).
– Your body language says more about you than what you think. Think about what you are trying to say, which characteristics you have and want to display. Are you neat and tidy? Are you vain? Are you free spirited?
NOTE: Your photos may actually be even more accurate in determining some specific social characteristics than in-person interactions – from your facial expression to your clothing style — before factoring in what you say or how you act.
Some brief clues:
- how you stand, hold your arms, or how you face camera can show confidence levels and extroversion/introversion.
- facial features can show whether you are after long or short term relationships and effect what types of people get in touch with you; men look for femininity whilst women look for chiseled (short term) vs softer features (long term).
- if you are smiling, or whether you’re alone or in a group can show social preferences.
Note: I tend to disagree a little regarding the social pictures on dating profiles as you may want to consider your friends’ privacy. If you decide to include social pictures, ask your friends or blur their faces in a non-creepy way.
3. Your profile picture is their way to your heart (and soul)!
- Yeah, it’s not food.
- And it’s not sex.
- It’s not even all that laughter you bring into their life.
– It’s that look. It’s that look you give each other when the freckles in your eyes are perfectly aligned and what you see is a mirror image of more than what you are even thinking. It’s called understanding. Meaning and understanding. And that’s what all humans want and need the most out of life, yet give each other the least.
– Words alone can not describe meaning and understanding. What we think and what we say are not the same. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and felt like they ‘got you’ without you getting into details? And have you ever had a conversation with someone who didn’t understand you, even after explaining every little detail…?
Why don’t we give each other understanding you ask?
Because it’s challenging. It’s not easy. Most people just want life to be easier and they’re not actually willing or able to give understanding to others.
Bare with me, I’m going somewhere with this.
I’m not saying that you should spend a lifetime analyzing and creating your profile picture. What I’m saying is that your profile picture is the beginning of getting to your desired outcome (point 1 remember). So let that picture show who you are. Let people see that you understand who you are. And whether it’s a quick hook-up or a long term relationship you are after, save yourself and others the time of being honest. Theres plenty of people who want the same as you, so talk to that audience instead of deceiving both them and yourself.
NOTE: Don’t wear sun glasses, don’t be shirtless, don’t have your friends in the picture so people can’t determine who’s you.
- Just face camera straight on, relax, and smile.
This is where my friends say I need to include an analysis of my own personal profile picture, and perhaps I will write another post later on. Although I think it’s pretty clear to people with their head screwed on, and feedback from my 360 (which included that picture) states that it says I am: determined, vulnerable, cheeky. I’m happy with that.
Good luck writing your dating profile, I hope you get what you are after, and call me if you get stuck.
